My Brain is Leaking Out Through My Nose and I Have to Pee

Jet lag has gotten the better of me...as has the inordinate amount of mucous currently being produced in my nasal cavities. While I know this sounds particularly lovely and oh-so-appetizing, I will spare you the sordid details; suffice it to say I am fairly miserable at the moment and my poor nose is raw and partially skinless. Its a good nose; it doesn't deserve this torture.

In a absolutely uncharacteristic streak of productivity, I have planned my upcoming 30th birthday festivities, eschewing the normal last minute scramble for an organized evite and reservations approach. While I am hoping that this kind of on-the-ball behavior will continue, I suspect it is merely a short lived reaction to the change o' decades. Mr. Artsy Hotpants chose this awesome restaraunt for the dinner with close friends and family portion of the evening, and even made the reservations for me after this restaurant wouldn't let me make a reservation for 12 people on a Saturday night. Then we will only have to walk a mere 3 blocks to get to where the $4 drinks portion of the evening, which will be held here. I'm actually incredibly excited about the whole thing, and already about 25 people are coming and I only sent the evite last friday! I usually find birthdays a bit disappointing, but this one seems to be shaping up to be the grand celebration it should be...and a good thing to, considering its my 30th...

I am sticking to my $10/day budget thus far, though it is proving far more difficult in practice than theory. I am feeling quite proud of myself though - proud that I am making the necessary changes in my lifestyle (including a clumsy attempt at mornings) to take responsibility for my own messes and try to deal with them as an adult. Of course, it hasn't been very long, considering the time spent in Paris doesn't really count. Still, I have been trying and am learning, and that's what counts.

I feel like I'm making changes all around, and in this newfound restructuring of my life somehow boy craziness and obsessing about becoming that weird old lady with a million cats has gone blessedly by the wayside. I am too busy trying to become the new organized and motivated me to worry about what someone else thinks, and this is an ideal seat for me to be sitting in right now. I like the view from here. Its expansive, limitless, and full of possibility.

In my doped up on allergy meds haze that I am currently in, coherent writing seems to be thoroughly out of the question so I believe I'll go back to copious drooling while staring blankly at the meaningless numbers and letters facing me on the computer screen. The fun just never ends 'round here.

Bilingual Jet Lag

I'm sure you've surmised by now that my long silence was due to geographic dislocation; namely my trip to Paris to see my cousin Peek-A-Boo. I wold love to tell you all about it, but unfortunately its now 3am for me and jet lag is most definitely taking its heavy toll as I struggle to keep my head from rolling like a deranged rabies victim. I'm desperately trying to rehabituate myself to this time zone and not go to bed at 10pm, but its a losing battle. Unfortunately, tonight I must stay awake to go support the Comedic Chameleon in UCB's Cage Match championship match...at 11pm (yikes! I'll be the coma victim in the 2nd row).

Some very quick highlights with links, just to pretend I'm not copping out on this blog entry:

Saturday night we went salsa dancing, cuban style, at a lovely and slightly trendy but still incredibly accessible establishment. Yes, you read that correctly, we went salsa dancing, though rather I should say Peek-A-Boo went salsa dancing and I went clumsily tromping on everyone's feet to a rhythm only I was aware of. The only man brave enough to dance with me was a law student getting his degree in International Law and working at the Lebanese embassy. Every time he spun me around I would spin with such, ummm, exuberance, that he was forced to repeatedly say "doucement! doucement!" (which translates gently! gently!) every time he turned me. He was a patient man indeed.

Peek-A-Boo took me to see two very different theatrical productions while I was there, knowing that I love seeing what's going on with theatre in Paris. The first was a modern day farce called Le Clan des Divorcees, and was a very well paced though slightly overdone well written piece. The second, however, was a one woman show called Mademoiselle Werner, which was absolutely phenomenal. I thought the actress, a well known figure in French theatre and cinema known simply as Anemone, was quite remarkable and her performance was beautiful nuanced and detailed while still being really fresh and believable.

Monday we continued our tradition begun 5 years ago of going to the Mosquee de Paris, where we indulged ourselves in absolute relaxing luxury of steam, massage, and mint tea at the hammam there, which is like a turkish bath. Afterwards we went to the restaraunt next door for a delicious and copious couscous dinner. Mmmm, couscous...I'm hungry just thinking about it.

Now I have to run go meet My Little Vidipookikins, who promises to keep me awake for the show tonight. I'll write more about the trip later, for now, enjoy the links and jet lag infused post.

[insert sound of snoring here]

Heigh Ho! Heigh Ho! To Debter's Prison I Go!

Today I took a good gander at my financial situation; the results were disasterous, to say the least. It appears that I have finally become entrenched in the quagmire of debt, from which escape does not appear to be possible. I do not currently make enough to cover my bills and rent, so even a very strict budget cannot pull me out of this mess.

Panic does not do justice to my reaction to this news.

After careful thought and a heart attack or two, I have figured out several things I can do:

1. Enter one of those horrific bleed-you-dry debt consolidation programs.

2. Make sure I work a full 40 hours a week and get extra work whenever possible. This will require a renewed commitment to mornings, which will be good as it will help discipline me to re-enter the audition scene, which also involves dreaded morning coherency.

3. Put myself on a strict cash-only budget. This will greatly diminsh my social life (or any hope thereof, as said budget is about $10/day at most), which could possibly help with #2.

4. Rob a few banks. While its a skill I have yet to learn, I am certain this is one I can master.

5. Get hit by a city bus. This one is admittedly risky, as avoiding death could be a challenge, but the payoff could be quite a nice sum.

6. Change my name to Twinklestarlight and go on the lamb, ending up in a 3rd world country living off of the pottery and bead work I make with found objects. I think this is the most realistic of proposed plans, once I figure out the logistics and dye my hair blonde.

This bed of my own making is quite uncomfortable...I wish now I had chosen the futon.

Let Me Off This Ride!!

When I was in sixth grade, I went to the nearby amusement park and was forced to ride in the seat-o-death (the very last car) on the rickety old wooden roller coaster (read death trap) that made you feel as if you were going to fall out at any minute; the not-so-substantial "protective safety bars" being way too far away to do any good and being no match whatsoever for the bouncing and jumping and thumping that I was certain would be the death of me.

It wasn't.

It was, however, the death of my very short lived middle school social life, as I had gone with one of the neighborhood girls who was a "popular" (read vapid) girl, and I had made the damning error of crying profusely on said roller coaster ride. (She also made me watch terrfying horror movies; a fear which I still have yet to conquer. I have since forgiven her sadistic delight in my fear, as I have my own theory that she is a lesbian who was incredibly miserable and maladjusted in those awkward closeted middle school years. This theory is based in nothing but an almost infallible gadar and a strong gut feeling.) I ended up absolutely loving roller coasters a few years later, but from that experience, its a wonder I ever climbed back into any such instrument of terror. It either speaks volumes of my resilience and tenacity or of my masochistic self destructive tendencies; I see no need to explore wherein the answer lies.

Substantially less fun, I've since discovered, are emotional roller coaster rides. I suppose it's like riding a roller coaster as a blind person, with no idea whether a peak or plummet is forthcoming; both take you equally by surprise, and the peaks are less enjoyable for fear of the impending stomach lurching descent.

To say I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately would be a gross understatement. And it really varies from moment to moment, not just day to day. Within the course of several hours, I am covering entire mountain ranges of emotional landscape, thus rendering me rather exhausted and feeling like I have no energy to accomplish even the most menial of tasks (aka locating that damn elusive floor of my room!).

I'm not sure where this is all coming from; I'm sure some of it (probably a lot of it) is hormonal; I seem to be in a severely elongated term of PMS and pray for the reprieve of my tormentingly late period (sorry guys, though if you can't deal with blood by now, grow the fuck up). Don't worry, there is no possibility of pregnancy, just a somehow altered cycle (which can be altered by emotional states, so which came first the chicken or the egg?). I'm sure a lot of it is also connected to the recent changes (read losses - one of my least favorite themes) in my life with Mr. Saucy Funnybuns' move to the far reaches of the earth (L.A.) and the end of my realtionship with Doc Harley. But I feel like there's something else there, slightly blurred and out of focus, having to do with my confidence, which rises and falls along the drastic vertical pendulum connected to the mood roller coaster. Something I'm probably afraid to put my finger on and name, otherwise the picture would already be much clearer. I'm at a definite point of change in my life, and as usual, am fiercely bucking it every step of the way.

Along the peaks and ridges the view is stupendous; the vast expanse of possibility and capability combined is infinite and truly breathtaking. The blitzkrieg free falling descents, however, come without warning and are breathtaking in a grotesquely violating sort of way; like getting the wind knocked out of you by betrayal personified.

Like that vulnerable little 6th grade girl, terrified of the ride she found herself on, I want to howl "let me off now!!".

If I could apply the same release to this roller coaster as I did to the physical ones, perhaps this wouldn't be such a fearful thing. A letting go and giving over to the process, trusting that it will undoubtedly end and could possibly turn out to be fun if I would only let myself truly experience it. I'm pretty sure at the end of the ride lies great growth, but the getting there feels nauseating.

Couldn't I have ridden the swings instead?

For My Age??!!

In the self same night, I was told by a really hot 26 year old Aussie that I looked really good and was really photogenic for my age!!! AND as I was coming home at 4:30ish am, I encountered a 13 year old (okay, probably 19 or 20, but what's the difference really?) drunk as hell that I had to help and teach her friend how to take care of her while she was vomitting and clinging to the railway of the building next to me. The thing is I'm way way drunk myself and instantly clicked into mother hen mode, holding her hair back, handing her napkins, and holding her up until we got her in a cab. I have no clue what their names are, but I was mothering this young woman..MOTHERING!!! And I'm quite drunk myself (though I evidently look good for my age)! What is happening here? I feel so freakin old tonight! I don't want to be sexy for my age, I just want to be sexy period!

What an oddly depressing evening, despite being hit on and so forth.

Since when is 30 old???

I Am Either the World's Largest Freak or Totally Adorable...I'll Even Settle for Both

Last night after a lovely and wonderful wine and cheese rescue by my knight in shining armor, Mr. Artsy Hotpants, I met My Little Vidipookikins, her boyfriend and her friend and co-worker for a drink before we all (minus Mah) headed down to UCB to see a late night show with the Comedic Chameleon and my improv teacher. I was just looking forward to a fun simple night with friends, and what I found was that most wonderous and thunderous of all the wild things; a new crush.

Just a teensy weensy harmless one, really.

In my defense, it totally snuck up on me. I certainly wasn't out to meet anyone, as I was feeling about as interesting as a lump of plastic fake vomit. But there he was, Professor Chin Face (christened thus due to the fact that he created an upside down chin face character for a project he and Vidipookikins are working on), being all funny and cute and weird and interesting. Anyone who does a silly upside down chin face for the internet wins big points in my book. (Yeah, okay, so I have slightly unusual criteria...I think that's already been established.) He and Vidipookikins' boyfriend got into a pile of discarded books and each walked away with thier various treasures they found, and he left one the books that were his pirate's booty outside of the bar we ended up going to, for someone else to find. Its the little things such as this which perk my interest and raise my antennae. He also had magnetic eyes, which I duly attempted to avoid all night, being the awkward lump of plastic fake vomit that I was that evening.

So today, despite having behaved as a total social neanderthal last night, I decided that I was just going to bite the bullet and ask this guy out. I mean why not? The worst he could do is say no, and this way I'm getting it out of the way early instead of feeling awkward and idiotic and just sitting around wondering if there's any way he could be interested in me. He peaked my interest, I'd like to know more, and there's pretty much only one path to that address.

Did I mention, though, that I'm a bit of a weirdo and tend to shun conventional means for most any task? Its not exactly intentional, its just sort of how things tend to come out.

This was the email I sent:



Hi Professor Chin Face,

Synge here - the weird girl from last night with copious amounts of yarn in her bag and the brilliant sock puppet performance art idea. I thoroughly enjoyed meeting you and your infamous chin along with its lovely sense of humor.

Since I feel utterly middle school in this endeavor, I might as well do this a la middle school style...

Soo, ummm [insert awkward foot shuffling, bright blushing, throat clearing and staring at toes here] would you be interested in having a drink or a cup of coffee with me sometime?

Check box:

YES





NO





(or you can call me at [phone number] if you're interested)

-Le Synge Bleu

I am either totally adorable or a freakish loser - I'm still not sure which (but I'll take any combination of the two which involves the word adorable. endearing is good too...).

More Quizzes to Avoid Writing an Actual Post

You are a Buff Girl!

You've got a boomin' body and a fearless spirit.Most guys have trouble keeping up with your energy and fitness level.Competitve and fun loving, you're up for almost anything.Make sure you pick a guy who doesn't mind getting beaten by a girl!

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatkindofgirlareyouquiz/">What Kind of Girl Are You?

You Were Naughty This Year

You Were 65% Naughty, 35% Nice You may not have been good this year...But you sure had a really good time.And nothing from Santa could top that!

How'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/hownaughtywereyouthisyearquiz/">How Naughty (Or Nice) Were You This Year?

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streakYou're a famous beauty - with unique lookAnd the people like you are cultish about it

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatfamouspinupareyouquiz/">What Famous Pinup Are You?

okay, so this one's a given!

You Are Downtown

You're a funky spirit that requires freedom to live.Your city girl persona needs adventure, diversity, and great pizza.

Are'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/areyouuptownordowntownquiz/">Are You Uptown or Downtown?

You Are Trinity

"Touch me and that hand will never touch anything again."

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatsuperheroineareyouquiz/">What Superheroine Are You?

Your Hat Personality Is A

Cowboy Hat

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whathatareyouquiz/">What Hat Are You?

You Are Fall!

ThoughtfulExpressiveCreativePoeticSmart

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatseasonareyouquiz/">What Season Are You?

You Should Date An Australian!

You're a down to earth, outdoorsy kind of girlAnd you need a guy who can keep up with your adventuresA rugged Austrailian guy is just your styleBetter start learning how to surf!

Which'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whichforeignguyshouldyoudatequiz/">Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

You Are Chocolate Caramel Kiss Lip Gloss

Saying that you're one of a kind is ... well ... an understatement.You're unusual, quirky, wacky - and you love to challenge people. And you are a total trendsetter. Your friends are quick to copy your fashion and music tastes.Which is why chocolate caramel is your perfect flavor. It's as rare and outrageous as you are.

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatflavorlipglossareyouquiz/">What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You?

Okay, the funny thing is this is my least favorite flower.

You Are a Rose

You are a total alpha female who tends to be a leader.Your friends depend on you to hold things together and make decisions.Men are drawn to your feminine powers and strength.While you are the center of attention, you are secretly introverted and a bit shy.

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatflowerareyouquiz/">What Flower Are You?

Your Element is Metal

Your power colors: white, gold, and silver Your energy: contracting Your season: fall You are persistent (and maybe even a little bit stubborn).If you see something you want, you go for it.You have a lot of strength, and it's difficult to get you down.Very logical, you tend to analyze everything going on in your life.

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatelementareyouquiz/">What Element Are You?

Umm..WHAT????!!!!

Your 80s Heartthrob Is

Bill Gates

Who's" Your 80's Heartthrob?

What Your Black Outfit Means

You're a sophisticated woman with big city taste.You have a strong creative force - even if you don't wear the boldest clothes.You tend to intimidate people. But the right guy won't be intimidated by you! Designer match: Dolce & Gabbana Signature accessory: Gold framed sunglasses

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourfavoriteoutfitsayaboutyouquiz/">What Does Your Favorite Outfit Say About You?

You Are Most Like Samantha!

For you, dating is the ultimate sportYou're into guys with power, looks, or a lot of money.You rather have a great two weeks than a great forever.But even you fall victim to love from time to time. :-) Romantic prediction: You'll find love in the next few months... But you'll be the last one to realize it.

Which'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whichsexandthecityvixenareyouquiz/">Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

You Are Psyche!

Eternally in search of purpose and insight.You're curious and creative with a total sense of wonder.Totally empathetic, you pick up on other's moods easily.Just be sure to pamper yourself as well!

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatgoddessareyouquiz/">What Goddess Are You?

You Are an Exotic Beauty!

No matter what your ehtnic background, you've got a unique lookAnd your one of a kind beauty makes an imprint in every man's mindYou hardly ever wear the same outfit twice, and your hair is always changingAs a result, your look is always new and fresh - never outdated or stale

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whattypeofbeautyareyouquiz/">What Type of Beauty Are You?

Your Inner Muse is Melpomene

You are most like this muse of tragedy.While you aren't depressed, you don't shy away from sadness.Although you do tend to be gloomy, you have a sensitive side.And this sensitive side helps inspire and help others.

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatmuseareyouquiz/">What Muse Are You?

oh god, vixanne, please don't get any ideas!

You'll Find Love Through Friends

Your friends get you better than any guy ever hasAnd they're the perfect people to introduce you to your soulmateSo look and act you're best with them, even if it's a girl's night outYou never know who they might find for you!

Where'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/wherewillyoufindlovequiz/">Where Will You Find Love?

Okay, enough silliness. I have to go meet Mr. Artsy Hotpants for wine and cheese.

I Am Orange Silly Panties?

Your Power Color Is Orange

You live in the fast lane. You love action, risk, and competition.You're spontaneous, enthusiastic, and persuasive.But you're also easily bored - and love to rebel against structures.You resent rules ... as well as people's attempts to control you!

What's" Your Power Color?

You Are Silly Panties

You're a goofy, fun loving girl who is always smiling.You like your panties to be a silly secret - even if only you know.Men feel instantly relaxed around you, with a little instant chemistry too.Even though you're a goofball, you can be sexy when you want to.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Hey L.A., Plant Your Own Fucking Trees and Gimme Mine Back!!

Mr. Saucy Funnybuns and I could have been voted "least likely to be friends", after all, we are such polar opposites in so many regards; instead we were voted "most like a married couple" by those who knew us, and indeed at many times we were. After all, I packed his suitcases that were going on the plane with him today, as he flew out of New York to move to California, because I knew exactly which clothes he wore most and which could be sent with the movers. I know when he's ready to leave the party and go home without him saying a word and I know what he's trying to say when he can't find the right word. He knows when I need him to come to my rescue even if he's across the room and distracted and he knows when I need to be given a wide berth.

We also know how to push eachother's buttons and pinprick the more tender spots of annoyance or hurt...you can't have one without the other, you know.

The fact is that we have spent so much time together in the past two years, and held eachother through so many various and assundry crises, that we do know the little intimacies of eachothers' lives and routines. We can each shop for the other's toilettries, brands and all; that's the level of intimacy we're talking here folks.

And now he's gone.

He left today to move all the way across the freakin country. And what's worse, he's moving to my least favorite place on earth; L.A.

I escaped the glaring fluorescent of the sdj for a moment to go outside for a smoke an hour or so ago, and I was thinking to myself "I guess I'll stop by Mr. SF's apartment when I leave here" (he lived literally around the corner from my sdj). When the realization hit me that he was not there and would never be there again, it literally knocked the wind out of me.

Mr. Saucy Funnybuns has been such an integral part of my life here in New York that I cannot imagine a consistant life without him here; its just utterly unfathomable to me. I know that he's just moving, and its not like I can't go visit him, but the fact remains that the landscape of my daily life has just been drastically altered and where there was a beautiful tree there is now only a stump. While you can still sit on a stump, it cannot provide shade or shelter and you cannot climb it and rest in its branches for comfort.

And who will water and lovingly care for my precious transplanted tree? How will I protect it from being over watered or starved for nutrients? My tree requires a finely honed delicate balance of care in order to thrive and blossom and what if the new gardeners don't know how to care for it?

Its amazing how quickly someone can become such a powerful presence in your life that their absence feels like a tangible hole, residing somewhere between the chest and throat at the moment, to be precise.

::sniffle sniffle::
I fucking hate L.A.

And Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, For Some Long Overdue Good News!

Finally some good news!

And the best part of all, is that it has nothing whatsoever to do with stupid boys or stupid dating or any other such nonsense....in fact, it has to do with the thing that makes me happiest of all in the world, damnitt!

I received an email from a casting director in the city that I moved to New York from, telling me of a possible work opportunity in said Anonymous Southern City (ASC) that would be financially worth the travel and such. I, of course, was excited and so wonderfully flattered. I have been gone from ASC for two and a half years, I expected to be thoroughly forgotten by now! Not to mention the fact that while I knew this casting director, it was mostly through her work in the theatre community, and I had never auditioned for her at all. What an incredible ego boost to not only be remembered, but be remembered as somewhat talented (I would assume a casting director would not call in someone they felt was untalented), and to be thought of for an opportunity.

I needed this.

Its a commercial. Not only a commercial, but a commercial for THE locally owned fancy schmancy independent chain of grocery stores! The same store where my mother has shopped for 20-some years and where my brother worked in high school. If I book this, not only will I get decent compensation, but also I will feel like a SUPERSTAR!

Of course I do realize that the real cause for celebration is that I was even thought of, that I will now be in this casting director's database, and that I now have a handy dandy excuse to email the casting director who taught my commercial class, thus reminding him of my existance and hopefully spurring him on to call me in again. I also know that whether or not I book it has little to nothing to do with talent and more to do with looks and type. Still, it would be nice to book it.

So I received the copy today, will film an audition tape this weekend, and overnight it first thing Monday morning. Thank god I have My Little Vidipookikins who can film and edit the tape for me. Best of all, I get to send as many takes as I want. That's right, folks, as many takes as I want! This is positively unheard of! Here its two - that's it. You screw up one, you've only got one good one. You screw up both and you're just screwed. Multiple takes just feels so deliciously self indugent! I love it!

So thank you, universe, for reminding me where my attention, focus and energy should remain. I believe wholeheartedly in signs, and this certainly seems like a cosmic reminder!

...................................................................................................................................................................

Continuing along the vein of positive non-boy related news, I am going to Paris in exactly 2 weeks; I just got my ticket (and such a deal, you never did see...oy! ). I will be spending 5 glorious days and nights with one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, my fabulous older cousin Peek-A-Boo! (the nickname is a long story, having to do with a 3 week camping trip across the Southwest and a pun dealing with the end of the baguette - you have to be weird and bilingual, so just forget it)

I haven't seen my cousin in three years now; the longest we've gone without seeing eachother since I've been an adult. Peek-A-Boo is like a big sister, and we always have a wonderful time just being together and talking, which I think will be the bulk of this trip. Its more about spending time with someone I love than getting out and about on the town. We've both not had the easiest of times lately, so it will be perfect to be there supporting eachother in person rather than a mere phone call.

And I am looking forward to it so very much.

I had been missing Peek-A-Boo so acutely, and worried about her, that I asked for a plane ticket as my Chanukah present from my parents; a wise choice indeed.

And now I leave in two glorious weeks! Yay! I'm going back to my other country - where I won't be mocked for pronouncing Brie and Camembert the correct way! I will say entree with a French accent to my heart's content! Vive le fromage!

(mmmm...fromage. I'm hungry....)

The Blame Game

I have been wanting to write about Friday's date, New Year's Eve, and DH handing me back all of my toilettries from his bathroom (which I had not asked for) when I went to pick up the Code Pink things that were stored in his basement, but was prevented from doing so by gigantic keyboard eating monsters that followed me around because I smelled like soggy garbage. Also I was alternately drunk, cocooning, or wallowing in self pity. Tonight was supposed to be my golden opportunity, as I was at the sdj late (my stolen wifi at home has not been particularly reliable recently) and thus could catch up. Unfortunately, so was my supervisor, who just left, leaving me a whole 15 minutes or so in which to hastily whip together a post before heading off.

Heading off...for date #2 with the lawyer, henceforth known as B.B. King, because he is a Blue-Blooded veritable Indian prince (who thinks he's a king)...as he told me more than once throughout the evening. I am not impressed by the Rockefellers of India, I am far more impressed by intelligence and wit. He also showed me that his suit was Armani; he clearly did not know with whom he was dealing here.

Oh, and by the way, just guess whose firm is one of those defending the city in the RNC Arrests related lawsuits? I shit you not.

But he was a really good kisser.

There's also a question as to whether he's married or not. Yeah.

So I'm going out with him tonight, to hear Part Deux of his life saga, begun over many a cocktail last Friday night.

I have a gut feeling he's married.

This could be related to the fact that he mentioned something about a wife, and when I said "You mean ex-wife" his response was "We'll get to that part in the story." Hmm.

My guess is that he's married and slumming it in Bohemia...he kept saying what a free spirit I was. Yup, its like the reverse of "Uptown Girl"; big money hot shot lawyer having an artistic adventure. I can just imagine him telling his lawyer buddies excitedly that he saw his first genital piercing ever! Wow! And she had no idea what a Marc Jacobs dress looks like either!

Oh dear, did that sound jaded?

How do I keep finding such winners? I tell ya...I have a real talent for this.

[to be sung to the tune of The Muffin Man]
I'm off to see the married man, the married man, the married man. Oh I'm off to see the married man who lives in a house with a pool in Manhasset.

(If I didn't find a way to laugh, it'd be damn tragic.)

[editor's note: BB King has yet to see any piercings not normal exposed to public view. Just wanted to clarify this point. Also, I don't really know if he's married or not.]