Being Synge Bleu

It's incredibly weird that Vixanne posted a comment about me not getting pregnant for a year, because last night I wrote a very long comment on her blog about a dream I had last weekend that I was pregnant. The comment, however, never posted due to frustrating stolen wi-fi that is moodier than me on pms (which is quite moody, to say the least). I even double checked this morning when I saw her comment. It's kind of eerie. It's like Being John Malkovitch...she's in my head.

My dream was actually more of a nightmare, really. And I pretty much never remember dreams, especially not nightmares. Perhaps it was the alien quiet of my parents' house, or the gentleness of being woken up by my mother...whatever the reason, I remembered little fragments of the dream.

I was at a beach somewhere...kind of like hatteras island in that it was very undeveloped, fairly pristine. I was with friends, but I don't remember who was there. I remember for some reason I knew I was pregnant, and I couldn't get away to go take a pregnancy test. Then it kind of cut to the next scene where I was in some kind of a public bathroom peeing on a stick that showed a very clear positive almost right away. I felt utterly panicked and my first thought was not about how am I going to take care of a baby alone, it was "Oh my god! Vixanne's going to kill me!". In fact that was all I could think about. Then it cut to some kind of a clinic in what was like this dorm or boardinghouse place where I lived. The matron of the house was Kristoise's mom, Spunky J, and the second I saw her i started sobbing and all I could say is "Vixanne is going to kill me! What am I going to do? Vixanne is going to hate me!". And that's the last thing I remember.

I had that dream Saturday night, and I had seen Vixanne, her husband Mr. Funky Microchip, and Kristoise that very day for most of the afternoon, so it really kind of makes sense that I would have that dream. When I told my Mom about it though, she was sure it either meant that I was pregnant (I'm most definitely not...not only have I been careful, but I received confirmation to the contrary just yesterday) or that someone was going to die (birth=death in dreams), which is not an unusual fear in my family. I also just got off the phone with Mr. Artsy Hotpants, who remarked how strange it was that Vixanne made the comment about me getting pregnant. I then explained to him the whole dream and comment not posting, and he said it was almost like she knew anyway. Then he said he thought that meant I'm going to get pregnant...creepy.

I think the dream means that I'm really happy about reconnecting with Vixanne and that I don't want to lose the newly rediscovered closeness. That, or it means that deep down I'm really afraid of incurring the wrath of Vixanne, but I don't think so. Been there, done that early on in our friendship when she was mad at me and didn't talk to me for several months because I had dated and kind of fucked over a good friend of hers; it was well deserved and we got past it.

Actually, I think it means that I had too much to drink at my birthday dinner the night before.