Valentine's Day Post or Just Because I Spread My Legs It Does Not Mean I want a Relationship!
When I was in college, I used to be a slightly bitter woman. I'm sure you find that so very hard to belive, but its true. And come Valentine's Day, a day designed to make single people feel like shit about themselves even if they're single by choice, my little Vesuvius of bitterness would erupt. I used to throw an annual "Fuck Valentine's Day" party; the decorations were construction paper hearts torn in hapf or ripped to shreds and only bitter woman music was played. It was actually quite fun, and pretty damn empowering in a weird way. I have long since abandoned my meager facade of bitterness, but I have never lost my hatred of the holiday.
This year I had a hot date for Valentine's Day...with my parents. While it doesn't get much more pathetic than that folks, I actually kind of revelled in the mock spinsterhood and all its glories. Mom and I cooked dinner together, she gave me a stuffed bear and we laughed at my father's expense for much of the night. What could be more romantic than that? I was actually glad to be away and have an excuse for not being with some boy du jour in my ever complicated wreck of a dating life. Not that it stopped everyone at home from asking about boys (aka war stories from the front lines); my answer was generally a wry smile accompanied by a deep loud sigh. Hey, that's better than a primal scream, which is how I generally want to respond to the question.
So in honor of stupid fucking commercial holidays, I ask a very important question: why do guys assume that if you spread your legs you must want a realtionship? Is that in some outdated guy manual from the pre-sexual revolution days or something? I thought we were supposed to all be sexually liberated and able to fuck sans class ring/wedding ring/pin or whatever the hell the jewlery du jour is. Evidently not. Evidently you have one of two options: A) Men fall in love with you or believe they are in love with you or convince themselves they are in love with you. Choose your poison. or B) They assume you have a vagina and must therefore want a relationship immediately; they believe the strings are not only attached but have somehow woven a web they must wriggle free from before they are somehow ensnared and colonized by the evil army o' twats. There is no Sudentenland. You must either be rescued by a knight in tin foil on a hobby horse or be burned at the stake as a witch. Sorry single ladies, those are your only options. And while both are quite comical to my fellow spunky independent single womyn and myself, neither are exactly appealing or the stuff of teenage feminist dreams.
I'm sorry, I never ever read owner's manuals...is it verbotten to enjoy the moment and have a little simplicity? Or is this only possible when wearing a chastity belt?
Men love to say how complicated women are, but I'm sorry, I would have to say that's a crock o' stinky ass horseshit. It's quite simple. What we spunky independent single womyn want is to be able to get laid while getting to know you and seeing where things lead. My little Vidipookikins and I were just ranting about this on the way to Abar (not its real name) tonight. It is not necessary to fast forward or rewind; let the fucking video play for chrissake...if you don't like the ending return it and rent another, but don't assume all movies are formula crap that you can call from the first 5 minutes. There are really awesome independent films, you know.
Oh, and if you happen to be reading this and have seen me naked (excluding in a play), don't take it personally; I'm talking about you as a gender collective okay? Sheesh, you guys are so sensitive. Go take a motrin or something.
This year I had a hot date for Valentine's Day...with my parents. While it doesn't get much more pathetic than that folks, I actually kind of revelled in the mock spinsterhood and all its glories. Mom and I cooked dinner together, she gave me a stuffed bear and we laughed at my father's expense for much of the night. What could be more romantic than that? I was actually glad to be away and have an excuse for not being with some boy du jour in my ever complicated wreck of a dating life. Not that it stopped everyone at home from asking about boys (aka war stories from the front lines); my answer was generally a wry smile accompanied by a deep loud sigh. Hey, that's better than a primal scream, which is how I generally want to respond to the question.
So in honor of stupid fucking commercial holidays, I ask a very important question: why do guys assume that if you spread your legs you must want a realtionship? Is that in some outdated guy manual from the pre-sexual revolution days or something? I thought we were supposed to all be sexually liberated and able to fuck sans class ring/wedding ring/pin or whatever the hell the jewlery du jour is. Evidently not. Evidently you have one of two options: A) Men fall in love with you or believe they are in love with you or convince themselves they are in love with you. Choose your poison. or B) They assume you have a vagina and must therefore want a relationship immediately; they believe the strings are not only attached but have somehow woven a web they must wriggle free from before they are somehow ensnared and colonized by the evil army o' twats. There is no Sudentenland. You must either be rescued by a knight in tin foil on a hobby horse or be burned at the stake as a witch. Sorry single ladies, those are your only options. And while both are quite comical to my fellow spunky independent single womyn and myself, neither are exactly appealing or the stuff of teenage feminist dreams.
I'm sorry, I never ever read owner's manuals...is it verbotten to enjoy the moment and have a little simplicity? Or is this only possible when wearing a chastity belt?
Men love to say how complicated women are, but I'm sorry, I would have to say that's a crock o' stinky ass horseshit. It's quite simple. What we spunky independent single womyn want is to be able to get laid while getting to know you and seeing where things lead. My little Vidipookikins and I were just ranting about this on the way to Abar (not its real name) tonight. It is not necessary to fast forward or rewind; let the fucking video play for chrissake...if you don't like the ending return it and rent another, but don't assume all movies are formula crap that you can call from the first 5 minutes. There are really awesome independent films, you know.
Oh, and if you happen to be reading this and have seen me naked (excluding in a play), don't take it personally; I'm talking about you as a gender collective okay? Sheesh, you guys are so sensitive. Go take a motrin or something.
posted by Le Synge Bleu at 11:33 PM
8 Comments:
A-FUCKING-MEN, sister!
Be mine, will ya?
Mica
Bravo, Synge, Bravo (I mean that sincerely, and I am not taking this personally.....HONEST, trust me)......"all ya neeed is loooove, waaah, wah, wah..." te heeee.
So the question begs to be asked, when you want a relationship and the man wants a friendship with benefits, does that make the man an emotionally unavailable jackass? And when the man wants a relationship (real or imagined) and you want a friendship with benefits, does that too make the man a jackass? And when both the woman and the man want a relationship with all of the attendent benefits, then is the man still a jackass? hmmm, let me consult the manual....as yes, I believe that is on prominently displayed on page 1, "The Man under ALL circumstances will eventually be found to be a Jackass". I believe that it is genetically encoded (as proven by this comment). There, I feel liberated already by that admission. Does Motrin really help with Jackassness? Perhaps duct tape would be more helpful.
No really, this is one of your best post.....Glad you enjoyed your time with the folks and friends in VA, but why is spending Valentine's Day with the parents so pathetic, in particular in light of your dislike for this Hallmark holiday?
I have to say that I'm not really sure you should be having sex with people you don't want a relationship with. I don't think that this is a man or woman thing. I just don't think it's a good idea. I say that having had sex with someone I didn't care about once. It was so unsatisfying for me (not that it has to be for you, I guess). Sex is such an intimate thing...really the most intimate thing....so why just rush willy nilly into it if you don't really want something real with the other person? Why not just use a vibrator or something? This is just my own personal opinion.
vix, if i only had sex when in a relationship, i'd never ever get laid. i'm not talking one night stands, mind you, i'm just saying relationships give me hives and i don't want to necessarily jump right into them. that doesn't mean i don't like the men i sleep with and that there's absolutely no level of intimacy.
that's kind of my whole point...why can't people have sex keep it simple and see where things go? why does it have to be one thing or another? why are we so obsessed with definitions and entrapment?
and my vibrator just ain't as good as the real thing, i'm sorry.
cap'n r-
the man is not always the jackass...just the majority of the time. its usually best determined on a case by case basis.
actually, were i to be fair (which just is never quite as funny) i would say that based on my experiences on both sides of the equation, there really are no jackasses; just different needs.
and since this is my blog, i write about things in relevance to my needs, which change with the direction of the wind.
Dear Synge,
I agree this is one of your finer posts. Indeed anything referencing fucking or a vibrator will assuredly elicit a response from me. I'm the proud owner of 3, count 'em 3, vibrators. One for every mood, ostensibly. But I agree with you, I'd rather have a real live boy than any toy. My sister says I think like a man when it comes to sex. And if she read your post, you'd fall into that category as well. That should start another argument here. While sex with someone I care about is better, sometimes I would settle for just getting laid. Historically this has been true for me. But since C broke it off with me, I'm having trouble getting off with just anyone, vibrators included. I know you're not dear fucking abby or Dr Fucking Ruth, but I would kill to get back into the fuck it mode. How much time do you think it will take before I can go back to the Pre C days? Maybe Vixanne could comment. I hope I haven't reached the point of no return. But if I have, I hope there is life after love lost. I'm actually going to a psychic not a shrink about this. Next Tuesday we'll have a look at that aura and see if I can get back my love 'em and leave 'em/ use 'em and lose 'em self. Fire away. P
hey babe
first off, i luv luv luv your title. i think it is an inherently male type of egotism to assume that you are totally in love with them and not their penis. sometimes right, often wrong.
and in college, my roommate and i had an annual tradition of a 'valentine's schmalentine's' party, with shockingly similar decor to your fuck valentine's party. but our piece de resistance was the 'wall of shame', where partygoers were encouraged to hang photos of failed relationships. ahh, those were the days......
I have to confess: I spit out my coffee in laughter after reading this post. You sure have moxie-and I like that. That being said, I wish more women were as upfront w/their viewpoints, y'know? Keep up the good work w/your blog!
peace!
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