The "Dear Synge" Column
Anonymous said...
Dear Synge,
I agree this is one of your finer posts. Indeed anything referencing fucking or a vibrator will assuredly elicit a response from me. I'm the proud owner of 3, count 'em 3, vibrators. One for every mood, ostensibly. But I agree with you, I'd rather have a real live boy than any toy. My sister says I think like a man when it comes to sex. And if she read your post, you'd fall into that category as well. That should start another argument here. While sex with someone I care about is better, sometimes I would settle for just getting laid. Historically this has been true for me. But since C broke it off with me, I'm having trouble getting off with just anyone, vibrators included. I know you're not dear fucking abby or Dr Fucking Ruth, but I would kill to get back into the fuck it mode. How much time do you think it will take before I can go back to the Pre C days? Maybe Vixanne could comment. I hope I haven't reached the point of no return. But if I have, I hope there is life after love lost. I'm actually going to a psychic not a shrink about this. Next Tuesday we'll have a look at that aura and see if I can get back my love 'em and leave 'em/ use 'em and lose 'em self. Fire away. P
Dear P,
Were I Dear Abbey, I would probably say go for the chastity belt, and were I Dr. Ruth, I would probably be posting with a funny accent and give you odd suggestions on how to use all 3 vibrators at the same time; be glad you're stuck with me. However, I would like to say in the way of a brief disclaimer that I'm probably the very last person in the world you should be asking for romantic advice from...have ya read this here blog? Plus I only own one vibrator; I am clearly inferior in the ways of battery operated toys. I hang my head in shame.
That being said, I now want to spend a few moments addressing your sister's really fucking annoying habbit of perpetuating outdated traditional gender stereotypes. My whole point in putting something like this out here in blogland for the world to see is to acknowledge that womyn can approach sex from a myriad of different angles (super cheesy punning, I know). Why do men get to hoard all of the casual (but safe! always safe!) sex for themselves and womyn have to get emotionally involved (and often emotionally trampled by the hoarding men)? The mere notion of it instantaneously flattens me into a 2 dimensional cardboard cut-out, which I do not care to be. Womyn...and men too, I suppose, are individuals; each individual has different needs and different ways of looking at sex. As long as the individual approaches it from a healthy angle and is not intentionally destructive to themselves or others, they should be allowed to have sex with whomever and however they want to. Mindsets are not the exclusive domain of one gender or another. According to your sister, P would stand for penis, which is something you do not posess.
I'm not saying all womyn should go out right now and have tons of one nights stands and meaningless empty physical contact (though if that's your choice, I see nothing wrong with it as long as you are truly be healthy and honest with yourself and your partner about your needs); I'm just saying let's stop with the stereotypes and the idea that merely because we are womyn, we can only view sex as a highly emotionally involved thing. Sure, emotional involvement adds so very much to it; this stands true for both genders. But sometimes raw animalistic pleasure's good too; men no longer get to have a monopoly on this merely because its been viewed in that regard for years. The clitoris was once used as evidence condemning a woman as a witch because she had an odd sort of teat in a rather private place; imagine had that idea not changed!
P, the reason you're having trouble enjoying sex (whether solo or not) is because you are choosing to withold pleasure from yourself for some reason or another. Perhaps you don't want to enjoy sex if its not with C? It's a way of choosing to hold on rather than move on. You'll be able to get back into a more relaxed mode when you choose to let go, and that's just something that takes time and self awareness and a great deal of honest introspection. You talk of getting back to the pre-C days, but you can never go backwards. You have been changed, as one is always changed with relationships; you can choose to see this change as merely a loss, or you can choose to view it as growth. My guess is that if you want to be able to have an orgasm ever again, the latter might be a better choice. Loss is never easy, and we all have different ways of dealing with it. Allow yourself the healing time and forgiveness you deserve and for chrissake stop punishing yourself!
There is life after love lost, you just have to claim it. If there weren't, we'd be even more of a fucked up and repressed society than we already are...if that's imaginable.
Now whether you want to return to a love 'em and leave 'em mode or explore what other options are out there for you is entirely your choice; just remember to be honest and respectful to your partner and yourself whatever you may choose. I definitely don't advocate using anyone...that implies malevolent intentions and then we're no longer talking about sex, we're talking about sexual manipulation, which is an entirely different thing. I'm also not entirely convinced that a love 'em and leave 'em approach is really what you want and keep in mind that if you go out seeking only that, it is all you will ever find; be careful what you wish for. Yesterday's post wasn't about closing myself off to anything per se, it was about not having my wants and needs prematurely defined by someone else; a rant against predetermination.
As for the psychic...save your money. My neighbor, the psychic I would always chat with on my way home at night, actually asked me if she could borrow $200 from me in the same conversation that I mentioned I couldn't go to the doctor because I had no health insurance and couldn't afford it...not very psychic if you ask me. Actually more like stupid and rude. But I did have my auras cleaned the other day during an awesome rakke session from an incredible friend I met shooting an Indy film last summer and it felt amazing. Just run if the psychic starts talking about his/her financial woes.
Good luck getting off and getting over. At times, neither can be easy, but both can be pleasurable if you allow it. Thus concludes my pretentious bullshit response to you question...you asked for it.
Dear Synge,
I agree this is one of your finer posts. Indeed anything referencing fucking or a vibrator will assuredly elicit a response from me. I'm the proud owner of 3, count 'em 3, vibrators. One for every mood, ostensibly. But I agree with you, I'd rather have a real live boy than any toy. My sister says I think like a man when it comes to sex. And if she read your post, you'd fall into that category as well. That should start another argument here. While sex with someone I care about is better, sometimes I would settle for just getting laid. Historically this has been true for me. But since C broke it off with me, I'm having trouble getting off with just anyone, vibrators included. I know you're not dear fucking abby or Dr Fucking Ruth, but I would kill to get back into the fuck it mode. How much time do you think it will take before I can go back to the Pre C days? Maybe Vixanne could comment. I hope I haven't reached the point of no return. But if I have, I hope there is life after love lost. I'm actually going to a psychic not a shrink about this. Next Tuesday we'll have a look at that aura and see if I can get back my love 'em and leave 'em/ use 'em and lose 'em self. Fire away. P
Dear P,
Were I Dear Abbey, I would probably say go for the chastity belt, and were I Dr. Ruth, I would probably be posting with a funny accent and give you odd suggestions on how to use all 3 vibrators at the same time; be glad you're stuck with me. However, I would like to say in the way of a brief disclaimer that I'm probably the very last person in the world you should be asking for romantic advice from...have ya read this here blog? Plus I only own one vibrator; I am clearly inferior in the ways of battery operated toys. I hang my head in shame.
That being said, I now want to spend a few moments addressing your sister's really fucking annoying habbit of perpetuating outdated traditional gender stereotypes. My whole point in putting something like this out here in blogland for the world to see is to acknowledge that womyn can approach sex from a myriad of different angles (super cheesy punning, I know). Why do men get to hoard all of the casual (but safe! always safe!) sex for themselves and womyn have to get emotionally involved (and often emotionally trampled by the hoarding men)? The mere notion of it instantaneously flattens me into a 2 dimensional cardboard cut-out, which I do not care to be. Womyn...and men too, I suppose, are individuals; each individual has different needs and different ways of looking at sex. As long as the individual approaches it from a healthy angle and is not intentionally destructive to themselves or others, they should be allowed to have sex with whomever and however they want to. Mindsets are not the exclusive domain of one gender or another. According to your sister, P would stand for penis, which is something you do not posess.
I'm not saying all womyn should go out right now and have tons of one nights stands and meaningless empty physical contact (though if that's your choice, I see nothing wrong with it as long as you are truly be healthy and honest with yourself and your partner about your needs); I'm just saying let's stop with the stereotypes and the idea that merely because we are womyn, we can only view sex as a highly emotionally involved thing. Sure, emotional involvement adds so very much to it; this stands true for both genders. But sometimes raw animalistic pleasure's good too; men no longer get to have a monopoly on this merely because its been viewed in that regard for years. The clitoris was once used as evidence condemning a woman as a witch because she had an odd sort of teat in a rather private place; imagine had that idea not changed!
P, the reason you're having trouble enjoying sex (whether solo or not) is because you are choosing to withold pleasure from yourself for some reason or another. Perhaps you don't want to enjoy sex if its not with C? It's a way of choosing to hold on rather than move on. You'll be able to get back into a more relaxed mode when you choose to let go, and that's just something that takes time and self awareness and a great deal of honest introspection. You talk of getting back to the pre-C days, but you can never go backwards. You have been changed, as one is always changed with relationships; you can choose to see this change as merely a loss, or you can choose to view it as growth. My guess is that if you want to be able to have an orgasm ever again, the latter might be a better choice. Loss is never easy, and we all have different ways of dealing with it. Allow yourself the healing time and forgiveness you deserve and for chrissake stop punishing yourself!
There is life after love lost, you just have to claim it. If there weren't, we'd be even more of a fucked up and repressed society than we already are...if that's imaginable.
Now whether you want to return to a love 'em and leave 'em mode or explore what other options are out there for you is entirely your choice; just remember to be honest and respectful to your partner and yourself whatever you may choose. I definitely don't advocate using anyone...that implies malevolent intentions and then we're no longer talking about sex, we're talking about sexual manipulation, which is an entirely different thing. I'm also not entirely convinced that a love 'em and leave 'em approach is really what you want and keep in mind that if you go out seeking only that, it is all you will ever find; be careful what you wish for. Yesterday's post wasn't about closing myself off to anything per se, it was about not having my wants and needs prematurely defined by someone else; a rant against predetermination.
As for the psychic...save your money. My neighbor, the psychic I would always chat with on my way home at night, actually asked me if she could borrow $200 from me in the same conversation that I mentioned I couldn't go to the doctor because I had no health insurance and couldn't afford it...not very psychic if you ask me. Actually more like stupid and rude. But I did have my auras cleaned the other day during an awesome rakke session from an incredible friend I met shooting an Indy film last summer and it felt amazing. Just run if the psychic starts talking about his/her financial woes.
Good luck getting off and getting over. At times, neither can be easy, but both can be pleasurable if you allow it. Thus concludes my pretentious bullshit response to you question...you asked for it.
posted by Le Synge Bleu at 6:05 PM
1 Comments:
Merci ton aide. Je ferais mon possible et je te dirai le moment où j'aurai réussit! Tu as raison que ce n'est pas possible de vivre dans le passé. Mais ce que je dois faire c'est d'aimer C, mais d'accepter la faite qu'il nous interdit d'être ensemble. Comme ça, je suis libre de l'aimer et d'aimer quelqu'un de nouveau. Penses-tu que c'est possible? Bien, je me sens beaucoup mieux. Je te remercie aussi le coup de téléphone d'hier soir. Bise...P
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