The Tip of the Iceberg

I did not get a callback...such is the nature of the business. I'm still celebrating the victories of even getting the audition and the wonderful feedback given.

I got an e-mail from the casting director this morning, which is quite possibly the most wonderful and inspiring e-mail I've ever received. He apologized profusely for having taken so long to get back to me about the audition, which he did not have to do at all...he's a freakin' major casting director, he could've just said "you are released from holding the 30th" or whatever. But no, he apologized several times and even said something about how in class he stressed how hard the business can be and how people can be jerks and he was ashamed to have personally proven that assertion to me. Excuse me, when and in what way did he prove that assertion? He's been anything but a jerk, and his investment in me has proven:

1. Casting directors are people too. They want you to do well because it makes them look great. They are neither gods nor monsters and should not be regarded or treated as if they are omnipotent. They can and do root for you.
2. A good class is a very smart investment. You either take classes because you want to further hone your craft or because of who you will meet and what connections they provide. Occasionally you find an amazing class that does both. Go with your gut and the reccomendation of actors that are booking jobs...they're obviously doing so for a reason.
3. I am really fucking lucky.

He then said (and this was too awesome not to copy and re-post verbatim):

"Anyway, onward and upward. You're an extremely talented actress and if I'm lucky enough to convince you to come in for me again, I'll call you in as often as I can. You have my sincere apologies and my great respect."

Wow. Convince me? Like any actor would be stupid enough to not come in for an audition when called? There's no need to convince me! I'm begging for auditions! We're talking a pretty major casting agency here. The respect part is what really gets me. I'm a sucker for that word. And I don't doubt his sincerity because he has no reason whatsoever to bullshit me; I never saw him bullshit anyone in class, myself included. He called me on the times when I tried to rely on my actor bag of tricks, when I didn't trust myself or let fear keep me from taking risks, and he pushed me to give the most I could give. He was also always right on the money in his class assesments of everyone's work. This is why I trust his opinion implicitly.

So I wrote him back, in my usual overly verbose fashion:

This is quite possibly the most wonderful and inspiring e-mail I’ve ever received! Its the kind of thing I will keep and reference when I find myself down and discouraged to re-motivate and re-energize me. Its a priceless gift to feel like someone believes in your talent and is rooting for you; thank you for that gift.

There is no need to apologize at all! I took absolutely no offense and (rightly) assumed you were quite busy. You definitely show your roots as an actor in this; you clearly remember the nail biting agony of waiting! :) I know full well that most actors are not lucky enough to even necessarily get feedback on their auditions and I am really more thankful for the incredible cheerleading I’ve received than I can even begin to articulate.

What I am going away from my first ever commercial audition with is that I am thrilled to have been called in in the first place, I am incredibly excited about the positive feedback and knowing that I can and hopefully did translate all I learned in class into practice, and a newly padded sense of confidence in myself. Despite not getting a callback, I choose to see this as an empowering experience in what can too often be a not-so-empowering business. Yes, the business can be very hard, but its ultimately my choice as to how hard I allow it to be. One of the many important things I left your class with was a renewed sense of trust and belief in myself and my work, and how incredibly important it is to hold on to and maintain that.

Oh boy, I’m going on and on here! Forgive me for my blabbering...brevity is not a concept I’ve ever been able to grasp...

I am honored to have your respect; the feeling is most definitely mutual. You are a rare breed of teacher that encompasses the true definition of the word.

The ordeal is over; I have survived and come out of it feeling great about myself, my work, and my future in this business. What a fucking unheard of miracle to have such a great experience! I cannot stress enough how fortunate I am and what a great beginning this all is. I have been cocooning for my first year and a half in New York, gathering strength and learning the ropes, and am now breaking out full force. I feel poised on the edge of many exciting things to come. Its a thrilling time indeed.