Not Quite Dead Yet
I'm still alive...barely. I am ashamed that I have not written in so long, but I've been more than swamped with constant vaginas. We're down to the wire, we load in today and then have a long arduous tech all afternoon and then I get on a train to Long Island, where my parents are staying with my aunt and uncle, for some much needed time with my wonderful Mom. Then tomorrow...its showtime!
Almost all of the really important people in my life who are here in New York will be there tomorrow night; I'm so excited! Mr. Artsy Hotpants is missing the opening and opening night party of the Broadway play he described as the best thing he's seen in ten years, to come to my V-Day event. He told his friend that this was my opening night and its something that's important to me so there's nowhere else in the world he'd rather be Sunday night. That statement is so overwhelmingly beautiful that I hold onto it in the more stressful and anxious moments. He did request, however, that I not buy him a chocolate vagina.
Mr. Emotionally Unavailable is going to come to the show as well. I spoke to him the other night and he asked about it; I reiterated that he did not have to come. He replied that he wanted to come, that it would be fun and he wanted to see me act. I said, "But you hate the play!" and he said, "Yeah, but Duh! I'm crazy about you!". This, of course, was like manna to the starving child and has prompted many a spontaneous smile in the last few days. Mr. Emotionally Unavailable is crazy about me! And he said it out loud! And he's coming to my show! I secretly really want him to come tomorrow so that he can meet my parents, and all of my friends.
Mr. Guarded Illumination will be there tomorrow night as well, but he's coming on a bit strong these days. Force 13 on the Beaufort scale. He calls and/or text messages every day. The other night I stopped by Abar (not its real name) to drop off some postcards for the show, and he asked me if I was running yet. He said he knew that I was busy with my work, and that it means a lot to me and he respects that, but that he hadn't heard from me and didn't know if I was running or not. Sheesh! Its not all about you! I'm putting on a freakin benefit here! he just doesn't quite get it. I told him I'd tell him when I wanted out, but that I need a wide berth in general, show or no show. He said he understood. We talked about intensity; we're both often described as intense people. He said many of his relationships don't last long because he's too intense but that he shouldn't have to compromise his intensity for someone else. He's right, and it made me feel bad for wanting that...for needing that. I don't think he should compromise who he is, but at the same time I'm not sure its for me.
Shit, I have to jump in the shower so that I can be ready to go load chairs into the truck to move to the club for the show. Whew, that was quite a little excursion into tangent land, wasn't it? I guess that's what happens when one is remiss in blogging...things just kind of spill out haphazardly. I also haven't had more than 5 hours sleep per night for weeks...that could have something to do with it to.
Oh well, off to the shower I go.
Almost all of the really important people in my life who are here in New York will be there tomorrow night; I'm so excited! Mr. Artsy Hotpants is missing the opening and opening night party of the Broadway play he described as the best thing he's seen in ten years, to come to my V-Day event. He told his friend that this was my opening night and its something that's important to me so there's nowhere else in the world he'd rather be Sunday night. That statement is so overwhelmingly beautiful that I hold onto it in the more stressful and anxious moments. He did request, however, that I not buy him a chocolate vagina.
Mr. Emotionally Unavailable is going to come to the show as well. I spoke to him the other night and he asked about it; I reiterated that he did not have to come. He replied that he wanted to come, that it would be fun and he wanted to see me act. I said, "But you hate the play!" and he said, "Yeah, but Duh! I'm crazy about you!". This, of course, was like manna to the starving child and has prompted many a spontaneous smile in the last few days. Mr. Emotionally Unavailable is crazy about me! And he said it out loud! And he's coming to my show! I secretly really want him to come tomorrow so that he can meet my parents, and all of my friends.
Mr. Guarded Illumination will be there tomorrow night as well, but he's coming on a bit strong these days. Force 13 on the Beaufort scale. He calls and/or text messages every day. The other night I stopped by Abar (not its real name) to drop off some postcards for the show, and he asked me if I was running yet. He said he knew that I was busy with my work, and that it means a lot to me and he respects that, but that he hadn't heard from me and didn't know if I was running or not. Sheesh! Its not all about you! I'm putting on a freakin benefit here! he just doesn't quite get it. I told him I'd tell him when I wanted out, but that I need a wide berth in general, show or no show. He said he understood. We talked about intensity; we're both often described as intense people. He said many of his relationships don't last long because he's too intense but that he shouldn't have to compromise his intensity for someone else. He's right, and it made me feel bad for wanting that...for needing that. I don't think he should compromise who he is, but at the same time I'm not sure its for me.
Shit, I have to jump in the shower so that I can be ready to go load chairs into the truck to move to the club for the show. Whew, that was quite a little excursion into tangent land, wasn't it? I guess that's what happens when one is remiss in blogging...things just kind of spill out haphazardly. I also haven't had more than 5 hours sleep per night for weeks...that could have something to do with it to.
Oh well, off to the shower I go.
posted by Le Synge Bleu at 11:05 AM
4 Comments:
break a leg babe! i wish i could be there to cheer you on, but i will be there in spirit. i know you will be fabulous!
DAMMIT! I didn't realize that it was up and running this weekend! I wish I could be there but i'm stuck working both nights as well.....maybe I can get someone to cover for me on Tuesday night.....keep your fingers crossed; if I can't make it, i'm cheering you on in spirit! Are you guys videotaping this? LMK....
ciao
sawndad, it won't be videotaped, that's strictly against equity regulations (the actors' union). sorry, hon. hope you can make it tuesday!
Oooo What a turn-out to support you, Bleu :D
No, I disagree with Mr. Illumination.
I think that if you both wanted to pursue it, then you would both compromise. Perhaps he could call once every 2-3 days instead of every single day!!
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