Winging It in the Country
In what is a case of severely shitty timing, circumstantially speaking, I am getting ready to depart for a weekend in the country. Doc Harley and I are taking the bike, loading up the trailer, and going to his friend's beautiful farmhouse in the Catskills. Normally I would be thrilled about this, and yes, there is a part of me that is very excited to be going, but its such a horrible weekend for me to be out of town. I'm only going because its very important to him, and I told ghim it was important to me that he come home with me for either Thanksgiving or Chanukah and well, compromise is necessary.
But I am worried about a very close friend who is ill and facing upcoming challenges of his own, whose mother is also having a major operation tonight and I won't be there to hold him. Logically I know that it is more important that I am there to hold him when he has his own upcoming surgery, so why do I feel like I'm abandoning him? Why do I feel horrifically guilty for having a life of my own that I know he absolutely wants me to have? This friend is wonderfully supportive and so truly happy for me these days, and I feel so fucking guilty and awful for having a personal life in the midst of his crises. I know he'd be incredibly upset to hear this, and I know he in no way wants me to feel this way...that's the last thing in the world that he'd want. Its all of my own creation but I'm not sure how to balance everything out in my life and feel like everyone's getting the attention they deserve (which I suppose in my mind means undivided?). I've always been terrified of being that girl who suddenly disappears when she gets a boyfriend. I've never been that person before, but I've always had that fear.
On a far less puissant note, its also a bad weekend to go away because I'm in the midst of creating gigantic 5 foot tall pink wire and fabric wings for SL2000 and I to wear in the Halloween parade. This project has been an overwhelming nightmare which I've devoted 3 very long nights to working on; last night I was twisting wire and screaming expletives at the top of my lungs until 3am. I am actually taking these huge 5 foot frames with me to the country to then fill with fabric and decorate. SL2000 will be spending the weekend making the banner and statue of liberty costumes. We will probably end up working late into the night together on Sunday when I return.
So its just not the best of times to be going for a sweet little weekend in the country, as you can see.
I'm sure I will feel entirely differently about the whole thing once we get out there, and DH was so sweet and excited about it this morning when I left for the sdj. It will be good for us to spend some time together away from all the shoulds and have to's of everyday life, providing I can get over my useless guilt.
And its just about time for me to run home and pack everything I may need this weekend in a mere 15 minutes. At least I'll have a great excuse for overpacking.
But I am worried about a very close friend who is ill and facing upcoming challenges of his own, whose mother is also having a major operation tonight and I won't be there to hold him. Logically I know that it is more important that I am there to hold him when he has his own upcoming surgery, so why do I feel like I'm abandoning him? Why do I feel horrifically guilty for having a life of my own that I know he absolutely wants me to have? This friend is wonderfully supportive and so truly happy for me these days, and I feel so fucking guilty and awful for having a personal life in the midst of his crises. I know he'd be incredibly upset to hear this, and I know he in no way wants me to feel this way...that's the last thing in the world that he'd want. Its all of my own creation but I'm not sure how to balance everything out in my life and feel like everyone's getting the attention they deserve (which I suppose in my mind means undivided?). I've always been terrified of being that girl who suddenly disappears when she gets a boyfriend. I've never been that person before, but I've always had that fear.
On a far less puissant note, its also a bad weekend to go away because I'm in the midst of creating gigantic 5 foot tall pink wire and fabric wings for SL2000 and I to wear in the Halloween parade. This project has been an overwhelming nightmare which I've devoted 3 very long nights to working on; last night I was twisting wire and screaming expletives at the top of my lungs until 3am. I am actually taking these huge 5 foot frames with me to the country to then fill with fabric and decorate. SL2000 will be spending the weekend making the banner and statue of liberty costumes. We will probably end up working late into the night together on Sunday when I return.
So its just not the best of times to be going for a sweet little weekend in the country, as you can see.
I'm sure I will feel entirely differently about the whole thing once we get out there, and DH was so sweet and excited about it this morning when I left for the sdj. It will be good for us to spend some time together away from all the shoulds and have to's of everyday life, providing I can get over my useless guilt.
And its just about time for me to run home and pack everything I may need this weekend in a mere 15 minutes. At least I'll have a great excuse for overpacking.
posted by Le Synge Bleu at 12:37 PM
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Pictures of the wings will be required on a future post, just in case you didn't know.
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