Goodbye SDJ

I am not overly attached to my stupid day job, but the flexibility is absolutely ideal and priceless...and about to be done and over with. I just spoke with my supervisor, and it appears that I am now out of a stupid day job - or will be, rather, after March 18th. They are not allowing any more temps (I've refused to go permanent because I am an actor, and not a stupid day job slave; I want to make sure I always maintain that distinction and the flexibility that goes along with it) thus I am about to be unemployed.

On the one hand, perhaps this is a good thing, as I am grossly underpaid and have been having great difficulty paying the rent. On the other hand, the timing is not at all ideal, what with all the work I am doing on the show etc. So I have no idea what I will do now; probably contact the temp agency I am paid through but have never spoken with or laid eyes on and see what they can give me for now. i can explore other options such as waiting tables once the show is finished.

I'm tryng not to freak out about this; its not the end of the world at all, and has nothing whatsoever to do with my career. But its still shitty news, despite my disdain for the sdj; especially living as precariously hand to mouth (or credit card to mouth quite often)as I do.

I know Mr. Saucy Funnybuns will immediately help me find new flexible work; he's been sending me Craig's List posts for some time now and urging me to leave the underpaid but comfortable flexibility of this place. It's just difficult to stay calm in the moment.

I called mr. Emotionally Unavailable because I was a little frazzled (to say the least) and he was very sweet and worried about me. He asked what would make me feel better; I said I didn't know. He then said "Wanna do it after work?", which seems totally insensitive, but the truth is that yes, that would make me feel better. It sounds like quite the asshole comment to make, but its not. We have our own odd way of communicating; the translation is "I'm concerned and I give a shit, do you need my comfort and support?". So I may not have a job, but at least I'm getting some action this evening.

See. I haven't lost my sense of humor...yet.

And before everyone (especally my longtime dear friends who read this blog) jumps down my throat for jumping Mr. EU, we've actually been spending a fair amount of "quality time" together since the last time I mentioned him. It's been surprisingly simple and nice; we've really been just enjoying eachother's company. I have no idea where we are and if this is the begining of Round IV, but I strangely don't feel the need to push it or define it. I've totally let go of that and rediscovered my ability to live in the moment. The truth is that we care about eachother and enjoy spending time together; for now, that is enough. Tuesday night I spent the night there and we just talked and read and cuddled with eachother; that was all. Clearly it is not a fuck buddy deal, as there wasn't any fucking going on but I was still invited to stay the night. It was actually really dorky sweet and tender and oh-so-comforting. So I am utterly clueless as to what the hell we're doing, but that's okay right now. I'm just taking it moment by moment for whatever it may be and thankful for the fact that when I'm upset about losing my crappy stupid day job, he cares (even if he verbalizes these things in a way that infuriates My Little Vidipookikins to no end).

I have an extreme aversion to change sometimes, but change is almost always a good thing. I need to remember that this is just fear, and it will undoubtedly be for the best. It can be kind of exciting to think this has finally pushed me to ecplore other sdj options, and the possibilities are endless.

I just have to stop freaking out and breathe first.