Mr. Emotionally Unavailable Makes Me Sick. Literally.
As you're probably really bored with hearing about how tired, stressed, and time compressed my life is right now, I thought I'd give you (and myself) a break from my kvetching about work and give you a stupid boy du jour update; my dating life usually tends to prove an entertaining subject at the very least.
Monday night I went out with Mr. Guarded Illumination from Abar (not its real name) thus moving swiftly along the gamut of Abar employees obsessed with the weird blogging girls. You have to admit, it is a bit bizarre to date two friends from the same bar in succession; I almost feel like I'm being passed around like a tray of hors doeuvres. When I was 19 years old, I moved to Chicago for the summer and worked at a French Restaraunt where many of the employees were asking me out. While I thought this very odd, I was also quite flattered and of course, enjoyed the attention. Towards the end of the summer, it was revealed to me that the reason all the men at the restaraunt were so friendly and helpful was that there was a betting pool as to who would bed me first; an actual betting pool! Needless to say that event factored into my present hesitation, despite the fact that I am certainly not what I was at 19.
He was supposed to go with me to see a friend's workshop production of a new play, but ended up unable to get there in time from his pool league's game. After the show, I walked from the West Village to the East Village, where we met for drinks. I was quite low energy and a bit stressed about all of the other things I should have been doing with my evening, but that melted away a bit as I relaxed and enjoyed talking to him. It was actually very cute how he kissed me; I was saying that I'm generally a very direct person, to which he replied that he needed some directness in his life and then he kissed me. While I'm not certain he suffers from any lack of directness, as illustrated by his actions, it was really a bit charming. Then again I'm easily charmed.
And then came the inevitable push to get in my pants.
Now I most definitely enjoy sex, make no mistake about that, but I'd like a little grace period here...especially before schlepping out to Queens. Mr. Guarded Illumination does get points for his honesty and directness - his approach was along the lines of "we're both attracted to eachother, let's go have sex now." He quickly lost those points by virtue of sheer persistance bordering on annoyance. No matter how you spin it to me, if I'm tired, stressed and its just not the best schedule wise I'm not going to suddenly say "well fuck the show, let's go have sex right now!" The more you persist and insist, the less attractive you quickly become.
Which brings me to my next point...I enjoy my independence greatly. If I happen to be at your place of employment soon after a date where I did not go home with you, and I am working, coming by every 5 minutes will not get you any closer to having sex with me. In fact, it will make me look quite rude in virtually ignoring you because I am trying to get some fucking work done. Work time is work time and social time is social time; don't take it personally, I just happen to have a strong work ethic and uberfocus. This does not mean I do not want to go out on a second date, it means I'm trying desperately to be productive because I'm on a fucking timeline and want to get this show up and do it well.
Mr. Guarded Illumination is not so guarded anymore and is coming on a bit strong. Or perhaps its a timing issue; this is not exactly the best time for me to be begining something new, especially feeling as overwhelmed and stressed as I have been. He's really a great guy who I enjoy talking to, I just don't want an instant relationship; I guess I tend to get scared off quite easily. I suppose we'll just see where this goes.
I've also been really enjoying spending time with Mr. Emotionally Unavailable. After so much drama, we've finally seemed to have found some sort of simplicity while maintaining the closeness. Its been very nice indeed. He left yesterday for several weeks of travelling abroad and I think I might actually miss him quite a bit. I spent Tuesday night at his place, which was perfect as I was so anxious about the next day's court appearance and his breathing and occasional snoring was quite soothing in the long hours unable to sleep. Despite his unpredictablility he's actually an incredibly comforting presence in my life; I do know and trust that he cares about me and I certainly care about him. As I was leaving Wednesday morning, I said "I might actually miss you...but probably not."
I'm trying to just enjoy spending time with him and not worry about whether or when it will end and defining where we are; this somehow enables me to be much freer and less guarded. We've had such a tumultuous run up until now though, that it seems unbelievable to have this ease. It makes me wonder how much of our previous problems were caused by looking too much ahead and not really being present in the moment. He's also been very emotionally available and supportive recently; I'm sure that makes a difference. It's certainly a lesson in relaxing and letting things flow.
As a parting gift to remember him by in his absence, Mr. Emotionally Unavailable was kind enough to give me a lovely cold. I had to cancel everything for tonight, as I currently feel like I've been crushed by a steamroller and have knives constantly going down the back of my throat. I'm going to rest tonight and hopefully be rid of it by tomorrow, as I cannot afford to be sick right now.
I'm going to bed now.
Alone, don't worry.
Monday night I went out with Mr. Guarded Illumination from Abar (not its real name) thus moving swiftly along the gamut of Abar employees obsessed with the weird blogging girls. You have to admit, it is a bit bizarre to date two friends from the same bar in succession; I almost feel like I'm being passed around like a tray of hors doeuvres. When I was 19 years old, I moved to Chicago for the summer and worked at a French Restaraunt where many of the employees were asking me out. While I thought this very odd, I was also quite flattered and of course, enjoyed the attention. Towards the end of the summer, it was revealed to me that the reason all the men at the restaraunt were so friendly and helpful was that there was a betting pool as to who would bed me first; an actual betting pool! Needless to say that event factored into my present hesitation, despite the fact that I am certainly not what I was at 19.
He was supposed to go with me to see a friend's workshop production of a new play, but ended up unable to get there in time from his pool league's game. After the show, I walked from the West Village to the East Village, where we met for drinks. I was quite low energy and a bit stressed about all of the other things I should have been doing with my evening, but that melted away a bit as I relaxed and enjoyed talking to him. It was actually very cute how he kissed me; I was saying that I'm generally a very direct person, to which he replied that he needed some directness in his life and then he kissed me. While I'm not certain he suffers from any lack of directness, as illustrated by his actions, it was really a bit charming. Then again I'm easily charmed.
And then came the inevitable push to get in my pants.
Now I most definitely enjoy sex, make no mistake about that, but I'd like a little grace period here...especially before schlepping out to Queens. Mr. Guarded Illumination does get points for his honesty and directness - his approach was along the lines of "we're both attracted to eachother, let's go have sex now." He quickly lost those points by virtue of sheer persistance bordering on annoyance. No matter how you spin it to me, if I'm tired, stressed and its just not the best schedule wise I'm not going to suddenly say "well fuck the show, let's go have sex right now!" The more you persist and insist, the less attractive you quickly become.
Which brings me to my next point...I enjoy my independence greatly. If I happen to be at your place of employment soon after a date where I did not go home with you, and I am working, coming by every 5 minutes will not get you any closer to having sex with me. In fact, it will make me look quite rude in virtually ignoring you because I am trying to get some fucking work done. Work time is work time and social time is social time; don't take it personally, I just happen to have a strong work ethic and uberfocus. This does not mean I do not want to go out on a second date, it means I'm trying desperately to be productive because I'm on a fucking timeline and want to get this show up and do it well.
Mr. Guarded Illumination is not so guarded anymore and is coming on a bit strong. Or perhaps its a timing issue; this is not exactly the best time for me to be begining something new, especially feeling as overwhelmed and stressed as I have been. He's really a great guy who I enjoy talking to, I just don't want an instant relationship; I guess I tend to get scared off quite easily. I suppose we'll just see where this goes.
I've also been really enjoying spending time with Mr. Emotionally Unavailable. After so much drama, we've finally seemed to have found some sort of simplicity while maintaining the closeness. Its been very nice indeed. He left yesterday for several weeks of travelling abroad and I think I might actually miss him quite a bit. I spent Tuesday night at his place, which was perfect as I was so anxious about the next day's court appearance and his breathing and occasional snoring was quite soothing in the long hours unable to sleep. Despite his unpredictablility he's actually an incredibly comforting presence in my life; I do know and trust that he cares about me and I certainly care about him. As I was leaving Wednesday morning, I said "I might actually miss you...but probably not."
I'm trying to just enjoy spending time with him and not worry about whether or when it will end and defining where we are; this somehow enables me to be much freer and less guarded. We've had such a tumultuous run up until now though, that it seems unbelievable to have this ease. It makes me wonder how much of our previous problems were caused by looking too much ahead and not really being present in the moment. He's also been very emotionally available and supportive recently; I'm sure that makes a difference. It's certainly a lesson in relaxing and letting things flow.
As a parting gift to remember him by in his absence, Mr. Emotionally Unavailable was kind enough to give me a lovely cold. I had to cancel everything for tonight, as I currently feel like I've been crushed by a steamroller and have knives constantly going down the back of my throat. I'm going to rest tonight and hopefully be rid of it by tomorrow, as I cannot afford to be sick right now.
I'm going to bed now.
Alone, don't worry.
posted by Le Synge Bleu at 8:13 PM
3 Comments:
Bon Soir,
I stumbled across your blog today and found it engaging! Does Mr. GI have a brother here in Boston? I swear I have dated the same man, or at least type of specimen. Good luck with the pending court case!
-- Terra (terrarism.blogspot.com)
I find it amazing how your posts can be so sad yet gripping(?) at the same time. I hope u feel better and get some rest. In the meantime, thanx for the great comment you left me at Dead Letters Office. :)
I think the insistence and persistence tactic is completely unsexy, too. I like an element of breathtaking surprise to sex, but I think it is more than that... It is a huuuuuge turn-off for guys to practically demand it. It insults my sensibilities. Who do they think we are?? Do we owe something to them? I don't think so! I think I need a t-shirt that says, "ask and you will not receive," Just to get the message out there!
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